Taming the Emotional Rollercoaster: A Parent’s Guide to Using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) tools with Kids

Kira Couo
Apr 22
3 min read

Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart. One moment your child is overjoyed about a new friendship, and the next they’re melting down because someone didn’t sit next to them at lunch. The emotional highs and lows of growing up can feel like a rollercoaster—and as a parent, you’re often along for the ride.

Fortunately, there’s good news: You don’t have to be a therapist to help your child (or yourself) manage these ups and downs. By using simple, evidence-based strategies from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), you can support your child in understanding their emotions, building resilience, and growing into a confident, compassionate, and kind human being.

Why Understanding Emotions Matters

Research in child psychology shows that emotional literacy—the ability to identify and understand one’s own emotions—is linked to better mental health, stronger relationships, and improved academic performance. According to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, children who are taught to recognize and manage emotions are more likely to develop empathy, self-control, and problem-solving skills.

Dr. Marc Brackett, director of the Yale Center and author of Permission to Feel, argues that emotions are not just feelings to be managed—they’re information. Emotions tell us what we value, what we need, and how we relate to the world around us.

But kids often don’t know what to do with their emotions, especially the uncomfortable ones like anger, jealousy, or sadness. That’s where CBT tools come in.

What Is CBT, and Why Is It So Effective?

CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is a well-researched psychological approach that helps people identify and change unhelpful thought patterns. The basic premise: What we think affects how we feel, and how we feel affects what we do.

CBT has been shown to be effective for children and adults in managing anxiety, depression, stress, and emotional regulation. And when taught in simple, age-appropriate ways, it becomes a powerful tool that parents and kids can use together.

Simple CBT Tools for Parents and Kids

1. Name It to Tame It

Help your child identify what they’re feeling. Give them the language to describe emotions beyond just “mad” or “sad.” Try using a feelings chart or wheel to broaden their vocabulary.

🧠 Why it works: Labeling emotions activates the brain’s prefrontal cortex, which helps regulate the more reactive emotional centers like the amygdala (Lieberman et al., 2007).

2. Catch the Thought

When your child is upset, help them notice what thought is behind the feeling. For example, “I’m stupid” after getting a wrong answer in class. Gently challenge this by asking, “Is that true? Or is it just a feeling?”

🧠 Why it works: Children often believe their thoughts are facts. Teaching them to pause and question these thoughts helps them develop cognitive flexibility, which is crucial for resilience.

3. Reframe the Story

Once your child recognizes an unhelpful thought, help them find a more balanced one. Instead of “Nobody likes me,” they might say, “I had a hard day, but that doesn’t mean I’m unlikable.”

🧠 Why it works: Reframing teaches kids that while they can’t always control what happens, they can control how they interpret it—a key ingredient in developing self-confidence.

4. Model Self-Talk

Use “I” statements to model your own thought process out loud: “I’m feeling really stressed right now, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths.” This shows kids that adults have feelings too—and that feelings can be managed with intention.

🧠 Why it works: Children learn by imitation. Modeling healthy self-regulation teaches them that emotions are manageable, not scary or shameful.

5. Create a Coping Toolbox

Together, build a small kit with tools that help calm big feelings: a journal, a stress ball, a list of calming songs, or a simple breathing technique like “box breathing.” Make it part of your child’s routine, not just something to use in a crisis.

🧠 Why it works: Regular practice of calming strategies builds neural pathways that help regulate emotional responses over time.

Supporting Your Child Means Supporting Yourself, Too

Children co-regulate with the adults around them. If you’re dysregulated, your child will sense it—and often reflect it. Practicing these tools for yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential. You're teaching them that emotions are human, and that growth happens when we meet those emotions with curiosity, not criticism.

Growing Kind, Confident, Compassionate Humans

When children learn that they are not at the mercy of their emotions, but rather the authors of their own stories, they become more confident, more compassionate with others, and more kind to themselves.

CBT gives both kids and parents a roadmap for navigating the rollercoaster—not by avoiding the bumps, but by learning to ride them with skill, awareness, and a whole lot of heart.